ive been havin too many glass of wine every night for the past fortnight. i know its bad for me an i know ill feel gross in the morning but i keep doing it. last night i was at my uncles 50th an i couldnt stop fillin my glass. noone else was hovering around the drinks table like the crazy chick with purple hair...with her mothers eyes glued on her every actions. i blubbered secretly like an idiot in the speeches, espesh when my uncle said thanks to my aunty and to everyone cos the room was fulll of all the people he cared about. that was too much to handle for me apparently or maybe that was the 5 glass of wine crying, i cant remember the last time someone said how important i was to them. i was watching my cousins run around like lil nutters screaming an gettin hyped up. it reminded me of my behaviour when im on a night on the town drinkin with friends. i think i drink because it gives me that same feeling i had when i was a kid at an adults party. your parents were busy with their friends and you had this great sense of freedom, you could run amuck an scream and wouldnt get in trouble. when im drunk nothing around me seems bothered by me its just me with a great rush of excitement everythings quiter than it really is so i can be louder. im not aware of who im bothering so it seems like nooones bothered by me. every night when ive had too much to drink i wake up in the middle of my remi cycle and im crying. i cry and cry an worry about being a nasty person and how did i get so mean spirited and selfish. when i go to bed with not a drop of alcohol in me this doesnt happen. so weird.
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